please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did I show you my penis last night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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