Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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