I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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