The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
