you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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