Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
