that's an acceptable place to lick
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
