Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
