Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
