you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You made out with two different species that night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
