I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
