I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize