Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
