I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
