Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
