You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
