i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
