Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
vagina is talking i cant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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