and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
