She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
