suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
