I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
