Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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