I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
