I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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