How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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