He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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