Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
