My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
