Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
