it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
