Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
