That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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