There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
