beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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