I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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