The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
