I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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