so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
