you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I love you.
Bad choice
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