my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
