May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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