onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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