I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
