you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
