She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
