i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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