Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
