Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
