Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize