I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
