it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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