I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
