you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm eating all of the evidence.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
