Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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