is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize