She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Randomize
