I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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