4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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