So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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