Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
