Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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