i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
