you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
