i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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